I just read my cesarean section records from 2008 and confirmed that the on-call doctor recommended surgery not due to fetal distress or maternal endangerment...instead I was in active labor and pushing for 1 1/2 hours without progress (??)....Forget my "natural birth plan" or 6 previous successful deliveries with no medication or complications....His professional opinion didn't factor in the effects of my first ever epidural interfering with this experience, not to mention the psychological impact of the hospital setting.....No bitterness here, just reflection.
BTW, I didn't know this at the time of delivery , but just discovered that my uterus was actually placed outside my body and clamps were used to minimize bleeding....talk about feeling violated!! Anyway, maybe this is "TMI," but I truly didn't understand this whole procedure at the time of reluctant consent, so again I was shocked after reading my medical records.
Needless to say, my words of encouragement are to stay informed about ALL aspects of childbirth (even if you aren't a "high risk" patient.)
This poem was archived from my former blog in 2008...May it bring you "sunshine" in spite of some of lifes challenges:
SUNSHINE AFTER CESAREAN
Dear Mr. Doctor, I know we haven’t met before,
But my midwife is out of town and I’m really unsure.
I’m uncertain of this hospital place,
Yet I’m anxious to see my baby’s face.
Completely vulnerable and out of my mind,
I was hoping and praying for peace to find.
I found it hard to relax and just to flow,
But this womanly feeling how could you know.
You read my chart and you know my plan,
But apparently the ‘Natural Thing’ is banned.
You say the ‘baby’s shoulders may get stuck or worse,
I may 'rupture’, so you suggest the Cesearan course.
At the sound of c-section my soul cried out in pain,
This news was devastating and I was far from sane.
The hospital policies and your suggestion had silenced my voice,
So, I put my trust in you to make this life changing choice.
So a prayer with my husband, then we complied,
Later realizing that your prediction was a lie.
But there I laid heart-broken , I was a helpless mess,
I was overwhelmed with emotion, I must confess.
Then at 2:20 a healthy baby boy was born to me,
Yet I was strapped to a table being sewn after surgery.
You stitched me well, but who would have thought,
After days in the hospital, a follow-up you had not sought.
I patiently waited for a “How are you, Star?”
But I guess my optimism can only go so far.
I left disappointed and went home to heal and bond,
Thank God for the care of my husband, children and mom.
At home I slept in a recliner and popped pain pills regularly,
And it took several weeks to begin to recover emotionally.
It’s been like an unpredictable rollercoaster on my path to healing,
Yet, I’m grateful for the many lessons that God has been revealing.
One lesson that I learned has literally changed Who I Am,
I’ve been inspired to educate families on childbirthing plans.
As for expectant mothers, there is so much I could say,
Remain informed, Get support and Continually Pray.
But to you, Dear Mr. Doctor, who has studied for years,
Be in tune with laboring mothers and look beyond their tears.
Educate yourself beyond the facts in books that you have learned,
Learn Patience and Wisdom and your Trust will be once again earned.
Now I’ve said it before and I’ll close with this line:
SUNSHINE AFTER CESEARAN is possible, and it’s mine!
Here's a little YouTube Link with some footage after the birth and time at our house in the following months:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8A9quaQJXB8
BTW, I didn't know this at the time of delivery , but just discovered that my uterus was actually placed outside my body and clamps were used to minimize bleeding....talk about feeling violated!! Anyway, maybe this is "TMI," but I truly didn't understand this whole procedure at the time of reluctant consent, so again I was shocked after reading my medical records.
Needless to say, my words of encouragement are to stay informed about ALL aspects of childbirth (even if you aren't a "high risk" patient.)
This poem was archived from my former blog in 2008...May it bring you "sunshine" in spite of some of lifes challenges:
SUNSHINE AFTER CESAREAN
Dear Mr. Doctor, I know we haven’t met before,
But my midwife is out of town and I’m really unsure.
I’m uncertain of this hospital place,
Yet I’m anxious to see my baby’s face.
Completely vulnerable and out of my mind,
I was hoping and praying for peace to find.
I found it hard to relax and just to flow,
But this womanly feeling how could you know.
You read my chart and you know my plan,
But apparently the ‘Natural Thing’ is banned.
You say the ‘baby’s shoulders may get stuck or worse,
I may 'rupture’, so you suggest the Cesearan course.
At the sound of c-section my soul cried out in pain,
This news was devastating and I was far from sane.
The hospital policies and your suggestion had silenced my voice,
So, I put my trust in you to make this life changing choice.
So a prayer with my husband, then we complied,
Later realizing that your prediction was a lie.
But there I laid heart-broken , I was a helpless mess,
I was overwhelmed with emotion, I must confess.
Then at 2:20 a healthy baby boy was born to me,
Yet I was strapped to a table being sewn after surgery.
You stitched me well, but who would have thought,
After days in the hospital, a follow-up you had not sought.
I patiently waited for a “How are you, Star?”
But I guess my optimism can only go so far.
I left disappointed and went home to heal and bond,
Thank God for the care of my husband, children and mom.
At home I slept in a recliner and popped pain pills regularly,
And it took several weeks to begin to recover emotionally.
It’s been like an unpredictable rollercoaster on my path to healing,
Yet, I’m grateful for the many lessons that God has been revealing.
One lesson that I learned has literally changed Who I Am,
I’ve been inspired to educate families on childbirthing plans.
As for expectant mothers, there is so much I could say,
Remain informed, Get support and Continually Pray.
But to you, Dear Mr. Doctor, who has studied for years,
Be in tune with laboring mothers and look beyond their tears.
Educate yourself beyond the facts in books that you have learned,
Learn Patience and Wisdom and your Trust will be once again earned.
Now I’ve said it before and I’ll close with this line:
SUNSHINE AFTER CESEARAN is possible, and it’s mine!
Here's a little YouTube Link with some footage after the birth and time at our house in the following months:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8A9quaQJXB8
